I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
