why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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