i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
