i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
