I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
