I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
