You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
