Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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