Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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