I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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