I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
