Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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