just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
