dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
it was like eating out sand paper
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
