i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
