The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
We talked him into tasing himself.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
