bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Randomize
