That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
