i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
