dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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