I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
