yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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