I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
