Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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