I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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