remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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