i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
God, I missed his penis.
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