Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
She even gives head with a lisp.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
