i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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