No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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