Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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