So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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