i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
