nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
