if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
If I die, sorry about rent.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
