why im i the only drunk person in the library?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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