Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
