U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
