well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
someone owes me an orgasm
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
