I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
