i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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