Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
we're so committed to being not committed
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
