if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
