He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
