So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
