Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
