I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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