I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
A bitchslap is in order.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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