Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
