Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
